Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
