stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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