Redeem this text for a blowjob
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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