The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize