Porn is love you can see.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
