I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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