I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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