Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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