That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Even my vagina gasped.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
