Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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