Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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