My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
