i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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