Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize