it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
