I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize