I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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