all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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