Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
