don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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