The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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