He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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