Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
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The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
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If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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