He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
