Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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