I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
