It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My day in three words: secret purse cake
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You are a genius and a whore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
