I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
