I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
