Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
