Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I will be naked everywhere
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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