Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
