:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
