I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
