A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
