my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
