She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
