I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
