My friends, they love my intelligence
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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