My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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