I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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