Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
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Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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