Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize