how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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