I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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