I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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