Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
