i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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