He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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