So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
