i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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