yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
