i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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