another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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