New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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