I feel like abortions should bother me more
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wear drunk well.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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