like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
