Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
