I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
