Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
