if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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