I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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