when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize